Petal Ashmole graced the stage with Sadler’s Wells Royal Ballet in 1975 under the directorship of Peter Wright, telling some of the greatest classic love stories over a decade, from Swan Lake to The Sleeping Beauty. Now, her own life is the subject of storytelling to help us survive the opposing emotion of grief that has led her to the ‘gates of hell’.
Petal, aged 77, who was born in Australia and lives in London, releases her memoir, Get Up, Dress Up, Show Up: Lessons in Love and Surmounting Grief on 1 May 2024 that covers loving and losing three husbands, two of whom were fellow dancers and one, an architect.
I caught up with Petal to find out how the book came about and what she hopes people will take from her insurmountable journey grief and hospice care of her partners during her life.
“I chose wonderful men to love me, men who were all addicted to something deeply creative – dance and architecture. The creative process requires almost an obsession and attention to detail, so I needed to be compatible with each of my chosen partners on that level.”
In writing a book about this cumulative grief, Petal says “When you have a creative passion, you want someone to love you because of it. However with such intense love comes great loss, and now at the age of 77, I felt like I had to find a place for it.”
Before her life in London, Petal’s story began in Perth, Western Australia, where she grew up with two great loves: her mother and classical ballet. Aged 18, she boarded the liner SS Canberra, heading for the swinging London of 1965—a place she felt would be where ‘real ballet’ happened.
Arriving in the swinging sixties, her trailblazing Aussie contemporaries included Clive James with his quick wit and straight talking and Germaine Greer, the feminist intellectual. ‘When she talked, we listened’ says Petal.
Following a five-years in London as a struggling creative, Petal finally had a break and landed a ten-year soloist contract with Sadler’s Wells Royal Ballet. This was followed by ten years at The Royal Ballet School teaching the world’s finest young dancers.
Along the way, Petal first married Michael Brown, who died of Aids in 1990. She then met another great love and married David Ashmole, Principal dancer of the Royal Ballet, who died of cancer in 2009.
Petal finally fell deeply in love again and married Simon Winstanley, who was a RIBA architect. After meeting on a dating app when they were both 70, they quickly set up home together in Scotland until Simon died of cancer in 2021.
Petal continues “I knew there had to be a purpose for all my loss and while grief is terrifying and relentless, it looms and jumps out of you, good love, once it is gone, is still there to support you.”
“My richness, the person I am, is a result of the love I have had. I am lucky in that I have been loved all my life, by my parents and my partners.”
“Writing the book provided a flow where I could mesh together my creative work and get lost in the thread. I didn’t think I’d ever be able to find anything comparable to ballet, I had absolutely no intention of writing a book and it wasn’t until my therapist suggested that I should write after the death of my third husband, Simon.”
“I started with a random page and it helped me gather my thoughts and the monkey chatter in my head.”
“To anyone struggling with grief, my advice is to reach out to someone. There are some extraordinary people out there who will step up for you, who operate on instinct. They step up and do it – they leave meals at your door. They don’t wait, they just do.”
“If reading my book can help one person feel less alone, I’m lucky. When I was the gates of hell, what helped me the most was reading what others had experienced. I want this book to trigger good thoughts – it is peppered with them – and I want it to eliminate what I call ‘stinkin’ thinkin’ by sharing my survival skills – if I can do it, so can anyone.”
Pre-order a copy of Get Up, Dress Up, Show Up: Lessons in Love and Surmounting Grief by Petal Ashmole Winstanley priced at £10.99 (Available from 1 May 2024), visit https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1803818107?ref_=cm_sw_r_apin_dp_06MZKN7ZHHN9K7QRSFB7&language=en-GB
